by Jeff Lowe, Bayless Conley, Gary Chapman, Roger Terbassi, Jimmy Evans
| “T.H.I.N.K. before you speak” Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? Proverbs 18:21 |
| “Being kind is making requests and not demands like a tyrant” Instead of saying “Pick up those clothes from off the floor!’ you could say; “Would you mind getting those clothes from off the floor” or “Honey, could you get those clothes off the floor?” Romans 12:10 |
| “The first words you say when you arrive home to your spouse will determine the quality of conversation for the rest of the night” On your way home from work, rest or play; or waiting the arrival of your spouse, plan on saying something thoughtful. Proverbs 25:11 |
| “Be the first to serve and the first to forgive” Many people go into a marriage for a ‘what-will-you-do-for-me attitude’, but the spiritually mature person will lead in serving first. Luke 22:26, Eph 4:32 |
| “Confront without anger” Instead of pointing out something that bothers you and you don’t want someone to be defensive, try saying; “I would like it if you…” Colossians 3:8 |
| “Guard against these bad ABC’s” Accusations, Blaming Criticizing Colossians 3:8 |
| “A man’s primary need is respect and a woman’s primary need is love” When you plant these much needed seeds in the soil of marriage, you can expect a great harvest. Ephesians 5:33 |
| “Make sure you have consistent times to talk” If we don’t share our daily thoughts and how it effects us, we don’t get to know our spouse as well as we should. Matthew 12:25 |
| “Taking time for ‘Date nights’ is vital for continual relationship intimacy” Quality uninterrupted time is a valuable. Hebrews 10:24, 25 |
| “Began a great conversation with an affirmation” “I appreciated it today when you ________” “Thank you for __________” “It made me feel so good when you_______” Phillipians 1:3 |
| “Do not name call, label or belittle. Instead: …” “I appreciated it today when you ________” “Thank you for __________” “It made me feel so good when you_______” Ephesians 4:32 |
| “Our spouse is better off when your actions and words give them Acceptance, Identity, Purpose and Security they desire from you” “I accept you unconditionally” “I appreciate you being my wife/husband” “It made me feel so good when you_______” “I will always have your back” Proverbs 18:21 |
| “For great communication; be specific, don’t use generalizations and allow clarifying questions” When misunderstanding or arguments occur, it usually a small bit of information that was not shared. Proverbs 25:11 |
| “For great communication, be a good listener and don’t interrupt” You may want to have a fine for talking when the other person is talking (A hug, a nickel etc.) to improve self-awareness 1 Corinthians 15:33 |
| “Identify your enemy and your emotions” Consider that you have an enemy and it is not your partner. Identify your emotions of fear, ignored, disappointed, being misunderstood, overlooked, pressured, hopeless, used, dominated, rejected, hurt, cut-off, cheated, irritated, controlled, insecure or falsely accused. Ephesians 6:12 |
| “When you must have alone time to keep peace or pray, give your partner an approximate time that you will be back” Take this time to talk to God. If you are in an argument or disagreement, the person that chose the ‘time-out’ should write a list of 3 to 5 things that they like/appreciate about their spouse. 1 Corinthians 7:5 |
| “Try to eliminate as many ‘I’ and ‘You’ statements as you can” Use more ‘we’, and ‘us’ words to conversely realize that the two of you are becoming one. Amos 3:3 |
| “Handle conflict resolutions in an organized manner” Check on your anger, if there is enough time to talk, decide who will be ‘Listener’ and who will be ‘talker’, then reverse roles. Formulate a statement that identifies the conflict for both partners, and find agreed solutions. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 |
| “Believe the best in your spouse, don’t expect the worse” Thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become character. It is your choice to guide your heart with love for the best expectations. Phillipians 1:6 |
| “For your best results, love a person in their love language, not yours” Ask your mate which is their love language(s) and respond in: 1-Words of affirmation 2-Quality Time 3-Physical Touch 4-Acts of Service 5-Gifts Ephesians 5:21 |
| “It’s important to be ‘Pro-Active’ in your marriage” Out of five different forms of communication; that is best. 1-Proactive 2-Retroactive 3-Inactive 4-Reactive 5-Radioactive Acts 20:27 |
| “If you get the thought that the ‘grass is greener’ on the other side of the fence; water your own grass” Be the first to serve. Humans are naturally reciprocal. Proverbs 5:15 |
| “A womans’ great respect, can will over an disobedient husband” An unbelieving husband can see the Christ in you and be won to Him in time. 1 Corinthians 7:13, 14, 1 Peter 3:1, 6 |
| “Your spouse is not wrong; just different” If a woman says I have nothing to wear, she may mean; ‘I need to go shopping’ to a man that may mean; ‘I need to wash clothes’. Proverbs 5:18 |
| “When you are wrong: admit it. When you are right: don’t say; ‘I told you so’” When you make an effort to be easy to live with, you will open up the heart of your partner. Romans 12:18 |
| “We can’t go into a marriage 50-50, but put 100% into it” Don’t wait for your partner to make the first move in love so you can reciprocate, plant good seeds in your marriage for the best results and wait for a great harvest. Seeds don’t grow overnight. 1 Peter 5:8, Ephesians 4:27 |
| “Priorities: God 1st, Spouse 2nd, Family 3rd,Church 4th, Job 5th” When you put your priorities in order, God will take care of your needs Matthew 6:33 |
| “Dominance destroys passion and intimacy in a relationship” Neither the man or woman should be dominate in a relationship. Even though most of that is learned from our parents, we are better to seek and value each other’s input Ephesians 4:31 |
| “Intimacy starts long before the bedroom” Your mate should feel loved and respected. Words of thoughtfulness and honor throughout the day will build up your intimacy. Ask your mate how you could improve in that area and be ready to fulfill that need. 1 Corinthians 13:4 |
| “Marriage will be a fight, but you will win” Remember to attack the Issue, not the person 1 Peter 3:9 |
| “Anybody with a pulse can fall in love, but it takes a loving unselfish person to stay in love” The first lesson of marriage is to accept our spouse as they are, rather than trying to make them into the person we had hoped they would be. 1 Corinthians 13:7 |
| “In a marriage, you are not to be independent, but interdependent with each other” Marriage is about sharing all. When you excel in the power of agreement, the devil will not be able to use division against you John 17:22 |
| “If you think life would be better and you would act better if your spouse was perfect, think about how God is perfect, yet you still have not always done the right thing” Seek first to be the best servant you can be and make your life a living sacrifice as Jesus did. Matthew 25:21 |
| “Do not began sentences with you…” Blaming while conversing is like pointing a finger at someone and having three point back at yourself. 1 Peter 3:7 |
| “Do not compare your spouse with other people.” If you express to your partner about qualities in others that you like better, you are rejecting a part of them. A woman may compare to the superficial men in romantic novels or movies; a man may compare to the superficial women in magazines or TV. 1 Peter 3:8 |
| “Attack the issue and not the person.” Accept your spouse even in the midst of conflict and seek solutions before assigning any blame. Romans 15:7 |
| “Plant good seeds in your marriage of kindness, thoughtfulness, love respect and patience.” Plant the seeds that you want to grow. Don’t expect good fruit if you are planting weeds. Proverbs 18:21 |
| “In marriage, disagreements are not nearly as dangerous as secrets.” Secrets breed mistrust. Ephesians 5:13 |
| “The first lesson to learn in marriage is to accept as they are.” Don’t try to make them into the person that you hope they would be. Ephesians 1:6 |
| “In grieving a loss of a child, voice your feelings openly.” Refuse to blame. Allow each other to respond differently and work through the grief together. Proverbs 25:11 |
| “Making a marriage work is not about tolerating your spouses differences, it’s about treasuring them.” A relationship won’t work if you try to make someone fit into your way of thinking. Ephesians 5:2 |
